Before writing this article, I stopped and thought hard. By writing this, would I be putting potentially harmful information in the hands of abusive men? Would I be putting more women at risk? The answer kept coming back ‘no’ ? although the question did bring to mind another characteristic of abused women that I’ll come back to.
The thing is, although abused women aren’t usually aware of what’s special about them, abusive men are. In fact,it would be hard to teach an abusive man anything he doesn’t already know about choosing a victim.
Abusive men often come across, initially, as the unusually sensitive ones. This they undoubtedly are – to their own real and perceived hurts; and also to their partner’s vulnerability.
Whether you choose to explain it as a sixth sense, a powerful conditioned response, or something akin to pheromones, doesn’t really matter. Abusive men are exquisitely attuned to pick out vulnerable, susceptible women, however these women may present themselves.
It’s unlikely these men could put the process into words. But they evaluate the responses of their prey very carefully. Whatever appears to be happening at the verbal level, at a deep level they are watching for the woman’s readiness to abdicate her own personal power.
The particular type of woman they’re looking for is characterised by a fundamental defencelessness. She may not present that way. On the surface she may be attractive, competent, able to take care of herself. At bottom, to a predatory man, she’s a soft touch.
So what are the characteristics that set an abused woman apart?
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