In the Asian online dating world it is not unusual for a elder gentlemen to marry a younger lady. If you ask why this is the state of affairs, you´ll get a wide-ranging amount of comments. The disapproving reasons usually have to do with an Asian lady wanting an older gentlemen for financial reasons. I have had some inform me that this not a negative reason, but what stems from this squabble are a variety of unpleasant comments. For example, “gold diggers” “mail order bride,” etc.
In other articles I have written I agreed with the consideration that Filipina ladies want to make better their living status by stating that most ladies want to better their status financially, no matter the culture. So this line of reasoning smells of hyprocacy.
Let´s get back to some of the more upbeat reasons. Most of the following interpretation are from me asking other Filipina ladies this question: “Why do you like older men?” or I may of asked: “Does age matter?”
Several ladies told me a younger guy is not matured. They are looking for somebody who is serious and they seem to think an older man is more serious about marriage. They did assert that a younger guy may not have the monetary means to come to their country to go to see them and uphold a courtship. When hard-pressed why they thought this, most plainly stated “who would have a better job, a 20 year old guy or a 40 year old guy.” I didn´t get into the possibilities of a younger man having a good career with the ladies, but for the record, this seems to be the belief system of Asian women.
This tells me that these ladies ponder the criteria. They take getting in a long distance relationship seriously and don´t want to run the risk of being drawn in with someone who doesn´t have the staying power required to be involved in a long distance courtship. In some cases, these ladies had previously experienced a relationship with a younger man and after six months was dump. Getting your heart broken is no fun and most Asian ladies think a younger man is more likely to do just that. To these ladies it doesn´t make sense to get involved with someone that may not be able to afford to fly to their country to meet them (this is one of the INS criteria for the K-1 process). These ladies realize this condition and put more weight on this criteria then a lady living in the states would.
All this talk about young versus old, led me to examine the ladies motives. I simply asked, “if age is a factor in a man´s ability to see a courtship through to marriage, is this your biggest reason to marry?”. That´s when the topic of love came up. Most Asian ladies still want to be attracted to a gentlemen, but what attracts them opposed to what attracts an American lady seem to be different. Behavior is a big attraction. Most Asian ladies reply if a man acts like a gentlemen, in time they find him very attractive and fall in love. Asian ladies don´t put as much emphasis on first looks or impressions. They are more open to courtship until they get to know your character .
This discussion about behavior, courtship, etc. led us back to the discussion of a man´s age. Again, most ladies believe an older gentlemen have free themselves of his wild oats. They believe older men have learned how to think of a lady like a lady. They believe a younger male isn´t as patient and is more likely to have a wondering eye or worse, a wondering sexual drive.
After countless conversations and emails, I can put this discussion about age in perspective. Age is a dynamic only because of an Asian ladies belief system. However, other criteria does weigh in. In this case, I can use my marriage to Liza (my Filipina Lady) as an example. Liza was courted by several gentlemen. I was far from the richest or best looking. However, I did have a stable job and could afford to be in a long distant relationship (I saved my $). Some of the gentlemen who had more wealth then I, actually turn Liza off. Even though she wanted to be introduced to a gentlemen who could afford to be in such a relationship, she was not going to be bought. Any gentlemen who tried to bombard her with fancy talk about his wealth was crossed off her list. I was much more modest and gracious. That generated feelings which led us down the trail to matrimony. There is no hesitation if I couldn´t of afford to follow through with the courtship, Liza would of had no choice but to find someone else.
My example is representative. These ladies are not looking for wealth, but firmness. They are not looking for a young stud, but a man who will treat her with respect, a man who wants to get married and will stay the course through thick and thin. Asian ladies just happen to accept as true that most older men fit this criteria. All I got to say to the older guys is count your lucky stars. For you younger guys you need to show the lady you are the exception to their belief system. Don´t try to buy them. Show them you care, you are serious about courting them, and that you have the willpower and maturity to make dreams come true.
Filipina Lady and Asian Dating
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